Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
