We won't sleep together?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
