I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize