my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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