Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
