I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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