You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
