i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
