The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
