I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize