after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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