How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
