...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
