In the future we'll all be gay
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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