did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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