how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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