did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
