dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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