I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
