NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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