I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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