Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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