oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
