the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
