wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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