we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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