i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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