I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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