Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
