he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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