I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
