and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
