Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
