The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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