Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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