Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
