By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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