We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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