you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
