hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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