while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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