bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
