i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize