Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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