when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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