is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
