porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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