its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
