I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
