so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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