And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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