I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
