the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
