I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize