you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
