also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drake has all the answers
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
