I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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