How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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