Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
