All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize