Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
