first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
a search helicopter?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm getting married
To pizza
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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