I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
