If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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