oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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