I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
