saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's always time for handjobs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
