i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
