a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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