you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
