guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
