I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
