I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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