I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
