Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
