she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
