we're blogging at a bar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
