Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
