how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
