I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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