I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize