Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
