You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
