He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You're earring is so big in my mouth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
