So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So squirting runs in the family.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
