I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
