I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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