i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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