i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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