He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can I color on your dick again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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