Where did you get a picture of my penis
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
