ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
