i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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