I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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