talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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