During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
