who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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