life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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