So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
