hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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