textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
