I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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