i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
