Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
