Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
