i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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