Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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