I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
