haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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